A Bit O' This 'N' That
by Evangeline Evergreen
Summary: Whenever I get a random, crackish idea, I'll post it here. Updates when I get an idea.
1. MSN

**A/N: This is a... conversation... me and one of my besties, Vanessa, had on MSN last night. We do this thing were I'm the SP characters. I have to say, I'm pretty good at it too. Anyway, this conversation may scare you and/or scar you for life. It has Valguine, Ghanith, Ersknessa and Eveton! Oh yeah, and Vanessa is married to Ravel! (Since last week, actually.) And Shudder proposes to... ME! Because I want him to!**

Tanith: Hey!

Vanessa: Hi!

Eve: Not now, I'm still mad at you, Tan.

Vanessa: Whut?...

Tanith: Right. WHY? Tell me, dammit!

Vanessa: Yeah, tell!

Eve: Can't. Spoilers. (For Tanith.)

Vanessa: Hm..

Shudder: Why do you never let me chat?

Vanessa: Hi, Shudder, hi!

Shudder: Hello! Are you Erskine's stalker-wife?

Vanessa: Um, stalker-oh right, yep...

Shudder: Sigh. I had a stalker. (Eve.) But now she's my kind-of-girlfriend-thingy... :P

Vanessa: :P

Eve: Whoop! I still love you babe!

Shudder: *Feeling smug*

Sanguine: *Feelin' jealous*

Vanessa: *facepalm*

Sanguine: I need love...

Vanessa: Oh-I mean *squeal*! I'm here for ya! I mean Eve!

Sanguine: *Smiles*

Vanessa: Yay!

Sanguine: *shoved away from computer*

Vanessa: Bye! - creepy

Skulduggery: Finally! Please tell me you're not as mad and twisted as Eve! SAVE ME!

Valkyrie: Stop being such a baby. I'm having a blast. *Eats chips*

Vanessa: Gimmie.

Ghastly: No GIMMIE! *Steals chips*

Vanessa: Fight! I mean pfft... Soo, are you guys going to see pirates of the Caribbean 4? Guys? Eve?

Ghastly: Yes we are.

Vanessa: Cool! *getting mentos*

Ravel: Hello Nessi!

Vanessa: Hi babeh!

Ravel: Do you mind if we make out during Pirates?

Vanessa: Nope

Ravel: Awesome! Anton keeps telling me you'd say no! In your face!

Vanessa: Imma kick his ass. *high-five*

Shudder: Shut up, "Ravelicious" *ROFLMAO-ing*

Vanessa: What? Did his gist shit his pants?

Ravel: No way! Did Eve tell you?

Shudder: Yes she did.

Vanessa: ...?

Shudder: High-five!

Eve: High-five!... Reid...

Vanessa: Oh shit CM!

Eve: Haha!

Vanessa: YAY, Reid!

Skulduggery: Haha!

Vanessa: Jack...

Sanguine: Haha! He sucks.

Vanessa: Who?

Sanguine: Springheeled Jack! Duh!

Vanessa: Thought you meant Reid. -Yeah he's a douche...

Tanith: He really is...

Vanessa: We should leave him with Tesseract...

Skulduggery: Has anyone else noticed the picture of me? That picture means I'M the most important and beloved person here.

Sanguine: Right...

Ravel: Right...

Vanessa: My computer is retarded so I can't see it but, right...

Shudder: Right...

Valkyrie: Right...

Ghastly: Right...

Tanith: Right...

Eve: Right...

Fletcher: Right... Wait, I don't get it...

Vanessa: Fletcher's first line... Hi!

Fletcher: AAAAHHHH She knows who I am! Creepy...

Vanessa: Wow.

Fletcher: Do you like my hair?

Vanessa: Yes.

Fletcher: See? I TOLD you guys! People DO like my hair!

Vanessa: I am not PEOPLE! But I DO like it.

Ghastly: Dude, she's Erskine's crazy stalker-wife. Doesn't count.

Ravel: Hey!

Vanessa: Hey, watch it Bespoke...!

Ravel: Yeah! I happen to love her crazyness!

Vanessa: Why, thank you! :)

Ravel: You're welcome baby! AH! Crazy-dude on TV...

Vanessa: I was JUST going to write that!

Ravel: Wow. Soul-mate high-five!

Vanessa: High-five back! Skul?

Skulduggery: Pfft, I would've caught that guy HOURS ago.

Valkyrie: Liar...

Vanessa: I'm going with Val on this one...

Skulduggery: Why is everyone against me?

Sanguine: I'm on your side.

Vanessa: He's in, I'm in.

Skulduggery: Really? :D

Sanguine: Um. No! You shot me in the leg!

Vanessa: Ouch!

Skulduggery: Oh! Right! Um... sorry?

Sanguine: Fine, I forgive you...

Skulduggery: Yay! Hug!

Vanessa: Wow!

Shudder: Coughgaycough!

Vanessa: PHAHAHA!

Ghastly: OOOOHHH BITCHIN'!

Vanessa: Oh no...

Ghastly: LMAO!

Vanessa: ROFLMAO

Shudder: That reminds me... Eeeeevvvveeee? Pretty please wonderful?

Eve: No. You're on sex time-out.

Vanessa: And off I go...

Shudder: But baby... Can you even tell me what I did?

Eve: Of course I can! You... Umm... Nessi help?

Vanessa: He... eh...

Eve: Crap...

Vanessa: Was dancing with Scapegrace?

Shudder: No I wasn't!

Vanessa: Eve?

Shudder: See? I told you.

Eve: Alright I forgive you for whatever you did.

Vanessa: He's going to flip out...

Shudder: Yes! *fist-bumps Erskine* Soooo... Can we...?

Eve: Yesofcoursewecan. Skultakeitfromhereplease *runs off with Anton*

Vanessa: They're going to do great things...

Skulduggery: Scary...

Vanessa: Yep.

Eve: *From far away* We're going to do WONDERFUL things!

Vanessa: AAAAHH! MY EYES! I'm on Sanguine's team now...

Skulduggery: Oh God!

Sanguine: Finally! So... You love me, huh?

Vanessa: :D

Ravel: She's taken Billy-Ray!

Sanguine: The pretty psychos always are... sigh...

Vanessa: ;)

Ravel: Vanessa Maria Ravel!

Vanessa: Sorry! He gets me! *puppy-eyes*

Ravel: Aaaaw! Not the puppy-eyes!

Vanessa: Oh yes. The Puppy-eyes...

Ravel: *fidgets* I forgive you if I can punch Billy-Ray.

Vanessa: :D

Sanguine: Hey!

Vanessa: RUN! Erskine, CHASE!

Ravel: Oh no you don't! *lunges at Billy-Ray*

Sanguine: AAAAAAAHHHH!

Vanessa: Guys... What are you, five?

Ravel: *Punches* Four, actually.

Vanessa: Right...

Sanguine: Why does EVERYONE punch me?

Vanessa: I... I don't.

Valkyrie: It's fun. You get so angry it's cute.

Vanessa: Right?

Sanguine: You think I'm cute?

Vanessa: I bet even Skul does...

Fletcher: You think he's cute? O.O

Valkyrie: *Blushes*

Vanessa: Aaaw, Val...!

Sanguine: *Smiles*

Vanessa: Now you two go have fun or something!

Tanith: *Pushes Val into Billy-Ray*

Valkyrie: Tanith!

Vanessa: Go Tan...

Valkyrie: Um... I... Uh...

Vanessa: :D

Ravel: Eeeewww! Valguine making out!

Skulduggery: O.e gngkkgllhfljlj.j...

Vanessa: Calm down, jeez!

Skulduggery: But they're practically sucking each-others face off!

Vanessa: I'll distract you... How many hats do you have?

Ghastly: Uuuhhh... Guys? Maybe you should go somewhere else before Fletcher starts crying

Skulduggery: 455. OH MY GOD THEY'RE IN THE BEDROOM!

Vanessa: Uh... Well... Wow! *facepalm*

Fletcher: Who's in the bedroom?

Ravel: NO FLETCHER DON'T-

Vanessa: DO NOT LET HIM IN THERE!

Fletcher: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! MY EYES AND HAIR BURNS!

Vanessa: If you scream too much it's going to fall off...

Ravel: Look...

Fletcher: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD! They were... He was... She was... *cries*

Tanith: I'm scared...

Ghastly: THE HORROR!

Vanessa: So, is anyo- Tanith calm down. Ghastly, for God's sake!

Ravel: Baby?

Vanessa: Yeah?

Ravel: I'm really scared...

Skulduggery: Haha!

Ravel: Shut up!

Vanessa: Skul! Erskine, it's OK.

Ravel: Fletcher is hugging me... Now I'm more scared...

Vanessa: Skul, take a picture! Fast!

Skulduggery: Aaaaw! Poor Ravelicious! *takes picture*

Vanessa: Yay!

Ravel: *Uses air to throw Fletcher across the room* Hey! Only Nessi and Eve can call me Ravelicious!

Vanessa: Phahaha!

Skulduggery: Right. Because that TOTALLY makes it less gay...

Fletcher: Kurt!

Vanessa: LMAO!

Ghastly: ROFLMAO!

Ravel: I need a hug...

Vanessa: *Hug*

Fletcher: *Raises arms*

Vanessa: No Fletch, no...

Ravel: Just... don't.

Fletcher: *Starts crying*

Tanith: *Hugs Fletcher*

Vanessa: Aw! *hug* Group hug!

Everybody: Hug!

Eve: Why is everyone hugging? And who is in the bedro-

Vanessa: No!

Eve: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!

Shudder: OH MY GOD!

Vanessa: Did you die?

Shudder: When did that happen?

Vanessa: Um...don't bother. So, how's Fletcher?

Fletcher: SpongeBob SquarePants rules!

Vanessa: Right?

Everybody: Right...

Fletcher: You know who my soul-mate is?

Vanessa: Hm?

Skulduggery: Brittany Pierce?

Ravel: A vegetable?

Ghastly: A pair of shoes?

Vanessa: Mark Jacobs?

Tanith: A retarded bird?

Shudder: Scapegrace?

Eve: Your hair?

Fletcher: No. Although I do like Brittany... Focus... Jedward!

Vanessa: ...?

Fletcher: Google them.

**(Vanessa Googles Jedward.)**

Vanessa: Oh. My. God.

Eve: Did you see them?

Vanessa: Yep, makes sense.

Eve: I know...

Valkyrie: So... What did we miss?

Everybody: O.O

Vanessa: O_o

Valkyrie: *Blushes* What?

Skulduggery: Valkyrie... Can I talk to you outside? *Walks out with Val*

Vanessa: Gosh...

Sanguine: Well that was... awkward.

Vanessa: Yes, yes it was...

Everybody: *Giggles*

Eve: And Valguine was created!

Vanessa: Muhahaha!

Eve: MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Vanessa: Wow. What happened with Shudder?

Fletcher: Val and Billy-Ray, sitting in a-*is hit by pillow in face*

Vanessa: Hahaa!

Shudder: Still here. This is better than Big Brother!

Vanessa: Duh!

Shudder: Sanguine is trying to strangle Fletcher. Tanith and Ghastly is making out.

Vanessa: Same, same.

Shudder: Ravel is watching me write... Creepy. Skul is PMS-ing and Val is getting the verbal bitch-slap of her life. And Eve is giving me the sex look... Bye!

Vanessa: OK...

Eve: *Giggles, is carried of bridal-style by Anton.*

Ravel: God I wish you were here...

Vanessa: Me too! :(

Ravel: :( Fletcher survived... Great... Wait a second. I'm getting tuna-fish!

I'm back

Vanessa: WHUT! Seriously, tuna-fish?

Ravel: Yep!

Vanessa: I want Dr. Pepper...

Ravel: I'm gonna go buy chips. Ghastly ate them all... 10 minutes tops.

Vanessa: Seriously?

Ravel: What? I like chips!

Vanessa: Oh, OK.

Kiss on you!

Vanessa: :D SKUL?

Ravel: Still talking to Val... Don't write anything until I'm back!

Vanessa: K... i might fall asleep. Wooo, Mr. Tiny!

**(Ten minutes later.)**

Ravel: I'm back. With cheez doodles

Vanessa: Yay, gimmie!

Ravel: Can't. You're too far away.

Vanessa: Nope, I'm eating a virtual one!

Ravel: Hurray for virtual stuff!

Vanessa: And Willy Wonka!

Ravel: Oh yes!

Vanessa: The Jedward thingy is still scaring me... Oh wait. They have abs

Ravel: I know. Don't worr- WHAT? YOU'RE LOOKING AT JEDWARD'S ABS? NESSI!

Vanessa: Wha-I couldn't help! The pics were RIGHT INFRONT OF ME! Stupid Fletcher!

Ravel: Alright. You owe me make up-sex, though.

Vanessa: Sure

Ravel: NOW I'm happy! ;)

Vanessa: Of course you are... Where did everybody go?

Ravel: Fletcher is crying, Sanguine and Val are all curled up, Skulduggery is sulking, Ghastly and Tanith are on their way to fourth base and Anton and Eve are probably humping like drunken bunnies. Oh joy!

Vanessa: Dear Lord...

Ravel: Yeah...

Vanessa: I just listened to Jedward's song: Lipstick, and... I'm worried about them...

Ravel: Why is there a necromancer ring in your profile picture?

Vanessa: That, that I will change right now.

Ravel: Right...

Vanessa: *Changes picture to the Death Bringer cover* Can we let Scapegrace make Eric Saade into a zombie?

Ravel: Yes!

Vanessa: Score!

Ravel: High-five!

Vanessa: High-five back!

Ravel: Have to wash my hands. 1 min.

Vanessa: I'm sleepy...

Ravel: Aww poor baby!

Skulduggery: Awesome picture!

Valkyrie: Yeah!

Vanessa: I thought you'd like it... It says: Don't touch me, I'm badass...

Sanguine: Why can't I be on the covers? I'm badass. And, um, I have a face!

Skulduggery: Fuck off, Billy-Ray.

Everybody: O.O

Vanessa: Those S.O.B's! Jedward destroyed Ice Ice baby!

Eve: ?

Yeah, I'm back after mind-blowing sex! Lovin' my smexy hotel owner!

Vanessa: wtskjönbzxflnfbms rönsöcvlsfh

Eve: You're weird. -.-

Vanessa: :O Look who's talking!

Shudder: Aaaww baby!

Eve: *Giggles* Aww, I love you Anton!

Vanessa: Just abnb-dlbn-bte26

Shudder: Love you too baby.

Vanessa: Or something...

Shudder: *Kiss*

Eve: *Kiss back*

Everybody: AAAAWWWW!

Vanessa: Aw!

Eve: *Giggles again*

Shudder: So, Eve, since everyone's here, I have something I want to ask you.

Vanessa: OMFG!

Eve: Yeah?

Shudder: *Pulls out ring* Will you marry me?

Eve: O.O Yesyesyesyes! *Kiss*

Shudder: *Kiss*

Eve: Whoop! High-five me!

Vanessa: HIGH-FIVE!

Eve: Squeal! Vanessa Ravel and Evelina Shudder! Hell yes!

Vanessa: Oh, that's right! :)

Fletcher: Ohmygosh you guys are getting married!

Vanessa: Hey Fletch: PIKACHU!

Skulduggery: Now there's two psycho stalker-wives! Looks like I'll never get bored again...

Vanessa: SKUL!

Sanguine: Now they're BOTH taken!

Valkyrie: *Punches his arm*

Sanguine: But of course that doesn't matter because I have my wonderful, beautiful Val.

Everybody: AAAAWWW! Group hug!

Vanessa: Twinkie?

Everybody: Yay TWINKIE!

Vanessa: 8

Eve: Perv.

Vanessa: No, your head is.

Eve: *Sitting on Ghastly's shoulders* Everybody! This is officially an engagement party! The wedding will be hosted on Monday at school and the honeymoon will be in the Midnight Hotel! You are not invited! (To the honeymoon.) Now everybody get drunk!

Everybody: Whooooo!

Vanessa: Look, I'm so sleepy that I don't even care if Dusk's under my bed-maybe not that sleepy but almost, so Imma fall asleep now k?

Evelina: *Falls off Ghastly* PAIN! Ok, Nessi, since we're both gonna get SO drunk, goodnight!  
>Ahahahahahaha! Skulduggery brought crack!<p>

Vanessa: K, now I have to check if Dusk is under my bed... OMG!

Eve: What?

Vanessa: He wasn't...!

Eve:AND NOW I'M ON CRACK SO I'M WRITING EVERYTHING IN CAPS LOCK!

Vanessa:Bye Eve, BYE EVERYBODY!

Everybody: *CARAMELLDANSEN*

Vanessa: My hand fell on the thingyyhc.

Everybody: WHAT?

Vanessa: What?

Everybody: THINGYYHC?

Vanessa: The keyboard thingy. Byee!

Everybody: AHA! BYYYYYEEEEEE! CRACK!

Vanessa: Hey! What did you guys think?

Everybody: WHAT?

Vanessa: PIKACHUU!

Fletcher: I'm confuzzled...

Vanessa: AAAWW!

Fletcher: PIKACHUU!

Vanessa: Yay!

Fletcher: Wait what?

Vanessa: Hm?

Fletcher: Oooooh drugs *pupils dilate*

Vanessa: SERPINE!

Skulduggery: AAAAAAAAHHHH! WHERE? IMMA TAKE THAT BITCH OUT!

Vanessa: In Fletcher's hair.

Skulduggery: *LUNGES AT FLETCHER* HAIYA!

Vanessa: BU!

Fletcher: !

**A/N: And then we all got drunk.**

**This is what happens when me and my bestie is up late. Chaos! I'm still marrying Shudder though! Yay! Please review!**


	2. Applesauce

**A/N: The crazy insides of my brain gave me this idea... I think I can see SP-characters dancing...**

**Warnings: OOC (duh), Val laughing hysterically, Ghanith and Skulduggery saying duh.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Skulduggery Pleasant characters, The Golden God does. And I don't own iPhones, I just gave Valkyrie one. Because she told me to…**

**Skulduggery: You should get help…**

**Me: I really should… Now on with the story!**

**Applesauce.**

"Do you like applesauce?" Skulduggery Pleasant said randomly, sitting in his favorite meditating-chair, reading a newspaper.

"What?" Valkyrie said, not looking away from the game she was playing on her iPhone.

"Do you like applesauce?" Skulduggery repeated.

Deciding that she shouldn't ask where he could have gotten the question from, she replied cautiously. "Applesauce's for babies."

"Right." Skulduggery returned to his newspaper.

There was a _pop_, followed by: "Hey Val! You home?" Fletcher Renn appeared in the doorway. Eating a packet of applesauce. Valkyrie took one look at him, and burst out laughing.

"What?"

Skulduggery looked up again, and then his non-existing eyes went to the girl laughing hysterically on the sofa. "Why are you laughing?"

"Fletcher's a baby!" Valkyrie choked/gasped.

"Well duh. You haven't laughed at that since we met him."

"Hey!"

"Fletcher's eating applesauce!" Valkyrie hissed out in a weird-sounding way.

"Oh." Skulduggery said. And then he chuckled. Then he laughed. And soon he was in the same state as Valkyrie.

Fletcher, who had been standing there with Fletcher-fused face, was now feeling kind of creeped out by the girl and skeleton laughing on the floor. "What's wrong with applesauce?" When the only thing he got for an answer was Valkyrie hissing something and Skulduggery pointing at him and laughing even harder, he decided that Ghastly would be a better company. He teleported to Bespoke's Tailor. To the living room, to be specific. Were Ghastly Bespoke and Tanith Low were madly making out.

There was an awkward silence.

"Uh... you guys want some applesauce?"

**A/N: The inspiration for this is that I got a review on my TSoDS story from a writer called ****Bittersweet Applesauce****. Sorry if I got the name of Ghastly's shop wrong, but I haven't read the first book in _ages_. So, this probably sucked… Reviews are my crack, people! A healthy crack!**


	3. Hug Month Calendar!

**A/N: Dear fellow Skulduggery Pleasant-lovers, I hereby introduce to you, the one, the only, SKULDUGGERY PLEASANT HUG MONTH-CALENDAR! Made by Vanessa Sandberg, and Springheeled Jack was added by me!**

**The SP Hug Month-calendar:**

January – Vaurien Scapegrace  
>February – Erskine Ravel<br>March – Tanith Low  
>April – Ghastly Bespoke<br>May – Anton Shudder  
>June – Billy-Ray Sanguine<br>July – Dusk  
>August – Finbar Wrong<br>September – Skulduggery Pleasant  
>October – Fletcher Renn<br>November – Valkyrie Cain  
>December – Springheeled Jack<p>

**A/N: Tada! Amazing, isn't it? Vanessa, you are a genius. Can't believe I didn't think of this… Oh well, as long as it exists! Now all of you hug Billy-Babe! *Hugs Billy-Ray***

**Sanguine: Well, seems like this is gonna be a great month! *Hugs back***

**Me: Mwah!**

**No need to review this (as long as you HUG), but I would appreciate your thoughts on it!**


	4. Crazy chat

**A/N: Another crazy-chat-conversation….**

**Disclaimer: NO! DEREK PLEASE DON'T TAKE THEM AWAY! PLEASE!  
>… FINE! I don't own the SP-characters…<strong>

Vanessa: I MISS FLETCHER! *CRYING*

Eve: Oh don't worry, he's RIGHT HERE! And I'm taking good care of him ;) Right Fletch?

Fletcher: Boom chicka wa wa!

Vanessa: HI!

Fletcher: HIIIIII!

Vanessa: Turn around...

Fletcher: Whyyyyyyyyyyy?

Vanessa: WIIIII WIIIII!

Fletcher: WIIIIIIIIIIII! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Vanessa: Imma bake a cake!

Fletcher: Yay cake! Can I taste your cake? ;)

Ravel: Fletcher...

Fletcher: *Girlish scream*

Vanessa: C-C-C-C-AKE!

Skulduggery: Wow. You really are brain-damaged...

Fletcher: I'm confuzzled...

Vanessa: Hi Skul, hi! Hi Skul, hi!

Skulduggery: Hi...

Vanessa: *Writes some Swedish crap*

Skulduggery: I don't speak Swedish...

Vanessa: *Facepalm* I'd catch a grenade for ya!

Skulduggery: COULD EVERYONE JUST STOP WITH THE FACE-JOKES! :'( :'( :'(

Vanessa: Woow.

Finbar: Whut?

Vanessa: Wuuutt?

Finbar: Whuuuuuuuuuuuut? Hi, I'm Finbar Wrong!

Vanessa: Hi I'm Ness.

Finbar: Cool name...

Vanessa: YOU have a cool name!

Finbar: Thanks! :D ... Do you want a tattoo?

Vanessa: Sure!

Ravel: Finbar, she already has ONE tattoo and that's plenty enough for her…

Vanessa: But!

Ravel: No buts!

Vanessa: *Puppy eyes*

Ravel: Crap... Skulduggery, you're good at all this 'responsible parents'-crap. Help?

Skul: Sigh. Fine... Vanessa, you are NOT, under any circumstances, allowed to get a tattoo! Understood?

Vanessa: But- I loove you all! C'mon ;) Pretty please?

Skulduggery: Of course you do, we are all amazing *cough* exceptforSanguine *cough*, but that does NOT mean that we will let you get a tattoo! And don't you "pretty please" me young lady!

Vanessa: *Flashing with eye-lashes*

Skulduggery: NO TATTOO! And it's called BATTING eye-lashes...

Vanessa: Well… Wahtevs! Imma go now!

Skulduggery: Wait! Promise!

Vanessa: Pfft of course.

Skulduggery: Oh no don't you "pfft" me! Promise this instant!

Vanessa: Uuuuhhm – no.

Skulduggery: That's it! You will not be told what the Skul Crew is doing for THREE DAYS! Starting Tuesday!

Ravel: And you're on sex time-out!

Vanessa: But that's not fair!

Skulduggery: I don't play fair. Now promise.

Vanessa: Nananana…

Skulduggery: Alright. Fine. Your decision... See you on FRIDAY... Everyone say goodbye!

Vanessa: AAH FINE! K, K!

Skulduggery: I'm waiting.

Tanith: Goodbye!

Ghastly: Goodbye!

Val: Goodbye!

Shudder: Goodbye!

Vanessa: I hereby promise... to not get a tattoo! Happy? Efgdhfjg

Skulduggery: WHOOOOOOO! Three-hundred-and-eighty-years and I STILL got it! High five me, Ghast!

Ghastly: High five!

Vanessa: *Biggest freakin' facepalm ever...*

Skul Crew: LOL!

Vanessa: Skul's Ego = extreme…

Skulduggery: And still growing...

Vanessa: Baaah.

Skulduggery: Baaaah on you! :P

Vanessa: Mwah on you too.

Skulduggery: Mwah! ;)

Ravel: Skul!

Vanessa: ;)

Skulduggery: Oooops sorry Erskine! Mwah!

Ravel: Mwah! ;)

Vanessa: MWAH!

Shudder: O_o Erskduggery... Did you just "Mwah" me?

Vanessa: Eeeew gross... ;)

Shudder: Uh, you do know that I'm Shudder?

Vanessa: Tehee, yeah.

Shudder: ;)

Vanessa: ;)

Eve: Anton! Nessi!

Shudder: *Bows head shamefully*

Eve: AAAAWWW! Shudder-babes!

Vanessa: Aw.

Eve: *Makes out* Teehee!

Vanessa: :O

Eve: *Giggles, runs off with Anton*

Vanessa: Ravelicious.

Sanguine: Scary...

Ravel: Move, Sanguine! _Who_ is Ravelicious? ;)

Vanessa: You, babeh! ;)

Ravel: :D ;)

Vanessa: *Smirks*

Ravel: *Leans forward*

Vanessa: Me too.

Sanguine: Covers eye-sockets...

Ravel: Leans forward a biiit more...

Vanessa: MWAH.

Ravel: *Kiss*

Vanessa: That's why you're sooo Ravelicious ;)

Ravel: ;) I really am...

Sanguine: He really is...

Ravel: O_o

Vanessa: Whut? o_o

Sanguine: Er... I mean... *runs off*

Vanessa: Pwahaha!

Ravel: I'm going to be a rape-victim... OH GOD!

Vanessa: I gotcha back...

Ravel: Thanks babe!

Vanessa: Soo... did everybody die?

Ravel: No... I dunno where Sanguine went, Ghanith = making out, Valduggery = making out, me = chatting, Fletchbar= making out and, judging by the noises WE CAN ALL HEAR HINT HINT, Antina is ripping some sort of furniture apart...

Eve: *from far away* Shut up Ersk – OH THERE IS A GODmmmmmmmmm!

Ravel: THE HORROR!

Vanessa: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!

Ravel: It's worse than Thrashgrace! e_O

Vanessa: Wow. I'm dead. I really am dead...

Ravel: !

Shudder: *from far away* Shit I forgot the condom...

Eve: YOU FORGOT THE CONDOM? PANIC!

Vanessa: Holy shit...

Eve: HOLY FRICKIN' YEAH IT'S SHIT!

Vanessa: OMG, we can be pregnant together!

Eve: – wait what? Ravel made you preggers?

Vanessa: Um...

Eve: O.O

Ravel: O.O Why haven't I been informed of this? e_O

Vanessa: I REALLY gotta go so… RUN!

Ravel: OH NO YOU DON'T! *catches Vanessa* Tell. Me. Now!

Vanessa: I'm eh not um sure...

Ravel: Vanessa Maria Ravel! Tell me what is going on this instant!

Vanessa: Erskine "whatever your middle-name is" Ravel I do not know!

Ravel: But you just told Eve you could be pregnant together!

Vanessa: Yep…. Wait.

**Vanessa is offline for a pregnancy-test.**

Ravel: WELL? I have a small question I need you to answer. Are you pregnant?

Vanessa: We'll know in like 9 months, we'll see if an alien will crawl out of me…. No I don't think so.

Ravel: This is not a joke Ness! I want a straight answer!

Vanessa: Nope, not pregnant.

Vanessa: Phew! O.O But what about Eve?

Everyone: *turns around and stares at Eve*

Eve: *squirms* Too soon to tell...

**A/N: OOOOOOH CLIFFHANGER! Will there be a baby Shudder? (AAAWWW!) Is Vanessa lying? And what's up with Sanguine? SO MANY QUESTIONS! Review please.**


	5. Crazy chat 2

**A/N: Le gasp! I have returned! Am I pregnant? Let's find out! Oh, and to clear confusion, Ravel is currently located in Vanessa's home! Oh, and this is from Facebook chat!**

**Warning: OOC, swearing, me freaking out, Ersknessa, Antina… Yeah.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the SP-gang or Vanessa…..**

Vanessa: Heeey!

Eve: Heeeeeeey! Do you think I'm pregnant? *looks at belly* SOMEONE forgot the condom, remember? *glares at Shudder*

Shudder: But... I was... you were–

Eve: Shut it!

Shudder: Yes ma'am...

Eve: Don't call me MA'AM! It sounds like MOM! OH MY GOD WHAT AM I GOING TO DOOOOOOOOOOOOO! *Freaks out* Nessi? !

Vanessa: I want Ravel na na na na I want Ravel!

Eve: LOL! Nessi!

Vanessa: .

Eve: ?

Vanessa: .

Eve: If you don't talk to me I'll give Larten an even more HORRIBLE death! You know I can!

Vanessa: .

Eve: Fine.

Vanessa: .

Eve: Erskine, please be a sweet-heart and come home.

Vanessa: OKAY, OKAY!

Eve: Victory is mine!

Vanessa: YOU. SUCK.

Eve: No I don't. I gave you Ravel, didn't I? Are you having fun? ;)

Vanessa: Pfft.

Eve: Aaaaaaaaaareeeeeeeee you? ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

Vanessa: OH YES we're feeding each-other with strawberries and whipped cream!

Eve: Oh Ravel you naughty boy...

Vanessa: Oops he got some cream on his shirt, I better take it off...

Eve: Yes you should! Quickly! I wanna boom boom bang with your body-o!

Vanessa: *throwing strawberries all over him* Oops we better...

Eve: Giggle. Yeah you better! ;)

Vanessa: ;)

Shudder: So could we...?

Vanessa: Ooooh!

Eve: Hell to the no! You might've knocked me up!

Shudder: :(

Vanessa: Ooooh bitchin'!

Shudder: Very bitchin'...

Me: What was that?

Vanessa: Oh no!

Shudder: Nothing! Baby, can't you ask Kenspeckle to test you?

Vanessa: But I want to take drugs!

Eve: Yeah, I suppose... I'll be right back! And Nessi, no!

Vanessa: Meh!

**Eve has logged off to go see Kenspeckle.**

Shudder: O.O What if she's pregnant? What am I going to dooooooooooo!

Skul: Yeah! Feel the fear!

Vanessa: Stop bitchin'…

Skul: Never!

Vanessa: *facepalm* And that's why I love you Skul...

Skul: :)

Ravel: Ey...

Ghastly: You make me feel like I'm losing my virginity

The first time every time when you touch me

I make you bloom like a flower that you never seen

Under the sun we are one buzzing energy.

Tanith: Aaaaaaaaw!

Vanessa: Whuuut?

Shudder: Eeeeeeeeew! They're making out!

Vanessa: Creepy.

**Eve has logged in**

Eve: ...

Vanessa: Sooo?

Everyone: SOOOOOOOOOOOOO?

Vanessa: SO?

Eve: Uh, I went to Kenspeckle, and he did some kind of ultra-sensitive ultra-sound... and...

Vanessa: YEAH?

Eve: I'm...

Vanessa: ?

Eve: PREGNANT!

Vanessa: WWWWHHHUUUUUUUUTTTTTT! HOLY SHIT!

Eve: I'M PREGNANT!

Vanessa: Holy shit holy shit holy Mother Confessor shit holy Puck!

Eve: *turns to Shudder with scary look on face*

Shudder: Oh shit oh shit oh shit!

Vanessa: Well Shudder, there you go...

Eve: OH I AM GOING TO KILL YOU! I'M GOING TO GET FAT AND HORMONAL AND MY THINGY IS GOING TO LOOK LIKE A FUCKING TRAIN-WRECK! ALL BECAUSE OF YOUR STUPID FORGOTTEN CONDOM! *attacks*

Vanessa: O_o

Shudder: –

Skul: Cool, she's beating the shit out of him!

Vanessa: And his gist is watching.

Skul: No wait she's not... they're... OH MY GOD COVER FLETCHER'S EYES!

Fletcher: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!

Everybody: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!

Vanessa: What?

Skul: Antina making out! A _lot_!

Vanessa: WOW! GO EVE!

Eve: *drags face off Anton's face* Thanks! 'Cause I'm having a baby, having a baby... *returns to make out*

Shudder: And I'm having a baby, having a baby...

Vanessa: Mwah on you two!

Both: With YOOOUUUUU!

Everybody: AAAAAAAAAAAWWWWW!

Eve: Mwah on YOU! Name suggestions?

Vanessa: OMGOMGOMG!

Eve: Not a good name...

Vanessa: Baby Doll or Rocket?

Eve: Hmmmmmmmmm... No. Baby Doll is a nickname, and my mage thingy's dog's name is Rocket...

Vanessa: Adrian if it's a boy.

Eve: Oh yes, definitely Adrian!

Vanessa: Or Noah!

Eve: Adrian Noah Shudder!

Vanessa: OMG! Yes! Alyssa, Evangeline, Quinn, Olivia, Grace…

Eve: Olivia and Evangeline are my OC's, so it doesn't work...

Vanessa: Soo?

Eve: Who's going to be the Godmother? You or Leila?

Vanessa: Quinn is good, I actually love Quinn, I'm going to name my baby girl Quinn.

Eve: So that's taken... hmmmmmmmm... Sigh, I wish Reia was here in this special moment... But who is going to be the Godmother?

Vanessa: Emily, Emma, Leah.

Eve: EMILY!

Vanessa: OH! OH! ME! Emily!

Eve: Wait a sec...

Vanessa: Like Prentiss!

Eve: I know!

Vanessa: The name Quinn is Irish :o

Eve: But what second name? Go to my profile!

Vanessa: Mackenzie, Zoey– oh okay.

**(From my profile)**

Leila Soukni and Vanessa Ravel, I now name you Godmother and Godmother, and I name Erskine Ravel and Skulduggery Pleasant Godfather and Godfather!

**(Back on chat)**

Eve: Done! Do comment! And 'like' if you accept! Liiiiiiiikeeeeeee!

Vanessa: I have! Eve?

Eve: I'm here babe!

Vanessa: I am a lesbian.

Eve: Cool….. Are you serious?

Vanessa: Yep gay.

Eve: Cool. What about Ravel?

Vanessa: Nah I'm just screwing with you…

Eve: I knew it! You sneaky li'l bastard!

Vanessa: I'm watching this movie and I'm taking lines from it.

Eve: 'kay… What the hell you keep jumping to offline!

Vanessa: Gosh, I hate the 90's... Gosh, I hate the 90's... Gosh, I hate the 90's... BYE!

Eve: What about the baby's naaaaameeee?

Vanessa: Imma jump from the roof.

Eve: NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Seriously, baby names please!

Vanessa: Some of them want to be abused… Some of them want to be abused… Bye, Ravel's singing me to sleep...

Eve: Not a name! Helppppppppppp!

Vanessa: Peace out The Crew!

**Vanessa is offline.**

Eve: Great... Oh well! *jumps on Shudder*

**A/N: YAY! There's going to be a baby Shudder! Could all of you, my dear sweet readers, help me come up with a good girls' name? Emily ? Shudder. **_**And**_** you could help me decide whether it's a boy or girl! R&R!**


	6. Puddle Of Sadness

**A/N: Hello, my joyful gang of smiling skeletons! Me and my friend Ness were saying goodbye after school, and she stared into a water-puddle, which somehow led to this chapter's birth.**

**Warnings: OOC-Skul, Caelan-bashing, Caelan doing Caelan-stuff (aka angst, angst and more angst).**

**Disclaimer: Skulduggery Pleasant and Co belongs to Derek Landy, and blah, blah, blah… I only own half of the profits from The Midnight Hotel. Chester Bennington owns himself.**

**Puddle Of Sadness.**

Caelan was staring at a puddle. In the puddle, his reflection was staring up at him. He hated it. It was a monster.

Head filled with angsty thoughts, Caelan knelt next to the puddle and leaned down slightly to make the image of his face clearer. He looked into the dark eyes that met his own, and slashed at the water in an overly dramatic way, feeling extra dark and broody from the (very emo) gesture.

He stopped his water-puddle-slashing when he noticed a very familiar skeleton, standing on the other side of a hedge.

Skulduggery Pleasant slowly raised his phone, typed in a number, and raised it to the side of his skull.

"Hello?" Valkyrie's voice answered after a moment.

"Uh, Val…"

"Yeah?"

"I… I don't think you should hang around Caelan as… much as you do." He said, watching the vampire.

"Okay? Why not?"

"I don't think it's affecting him… In a good way."

"So… Are you saying I should hang out more with Fletcher, or…?"

"What? No, no, I'm saying you should, you know, take a break from your whole… Love-triangle-thing."

"Well, I suppose the two of us could do something, as soon as my parents are home. How about movies, at your place?"

"Sure."

"Well, I'll see you later then."

"Bye." He snapped his phone shut and once again watched Caelan, who was staring at him with his mouth open. "See that, Sparkles? I just did what you've tried to do for more than a year in a minute! In. Your face!" He then turned around and walked off in his usual swaggerific way.

Caelan looked after him, and then, suddenly, Chester Bennington from Linkin Park appeared from the trees behind him. He walked to Caelan, put an arm around his shoulders, and began to sing Iridescent. Caelan lay his head on his shoulder and cried, making his mascara run.

**A/N: I have the most wonderful, warm, fluffy feeling in my chest… I love Caelan-bullying! Aaaand, I have a question for y'all! Should I change my pen-name to my taken name? Do share your thoughts and stuff! And REVIEEEW! Please?**


End file.
